youre lurking in front of me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
