i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
3pm strippers are depressing
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
