My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
