Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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