People in love make me want to vomit
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
