Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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