I could make wine with my vomit
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
