so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
