It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
