I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
