Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
