I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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