Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
