So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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