That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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