I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
