Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
