if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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