Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
is wine microwaveable?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
