Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
