No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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