Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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