I wish I could teleport
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
false alarm. still invincible.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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