I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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