I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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