I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
