I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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