Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
