Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
