I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
