Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
