So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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