we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize