Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
