Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
