WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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