he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
