I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
