Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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