apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
