My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just found puke in my bra..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
did you just send me my own nude
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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