You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
whose parrot is this?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
