Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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