You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize