u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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