and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
