i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
