Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
