I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
