Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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