I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
