I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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