Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
