I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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