Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
