Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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