When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
