I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
