why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
