I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
