I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
