I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
