it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
