my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
