You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
