Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
