1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
