you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
