Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
