If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
