Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
