I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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