Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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