I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
