Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
