One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
