I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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