I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't deserve a penis
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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