why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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