I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
