We're like a lot better than the average bears
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
