Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Little spoons don't ask big questions
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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