No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
