i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
