I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
