Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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