You smell like stripper and shame
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
