Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
