just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
