you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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