The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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