TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize