Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
