dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
