Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
