I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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