He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
